[EDIT: (Sunday 22nd February) Anonymous sources tell me that you might have arrived at this page with the mistaken belief that it was somehow Wu-Tang Clan related, unfortunately it's not.  It's just about me being broke.  You can, however, check out the lyrics to C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me) here and buy the album here.  The official Clan website is here and if you want to pick up some Wu Wear head over here.]

When I didn’t return home on Saturday Gingell was of the opinion that I’d probably “Got coked up and slept with a hooker in a ditch.”  Surprisingly this was not the case, what I got up to was actually £25 cheaper (us being in a recession and all).  Even with savings like this it was still a bad week financially (no matter what the graph says).  Time to confess all.

The Poverty Line, for the week commencing 1st December*

Incoming: I knew some bills were coming my way this week so the money I’d started to repay my dad (for my plane ticket to China – another story for another day) found itself back in my account. Total £250.

Outgoing: £30 on food, £28 on drink, £12 on transport and £10 on utilities.

Money Saving Tip: End the week there.

Unfortunately, it didn’t end there, it kept going.  The bills came through (£45 on my phone, £37 on insurance).  I repaid Damian £5 to fund his roller disco habit.

Then the big one, I spent £58 on presents (Baines’ Birthday present, Gingell’s Birthday present, my Mum’s Christmas present and my Dad’s Christmas present)

For the purposes of a full confession I also spent £12 on myself.  I bought the book No Plot? No Problem! (£7) and the album This Week by Jean Grae (£5), you should buy it too (and this time I’m not accepting any of your “…but I don’t like hip-hop, I don’t know how you can listen to it” excuses).

Then came the weekend.  I’d been invited to The Clothes Show by Clara but I’d resisted the temptation, unfortunately when Frosty offered me a discounted ticket (£14) I was weak.

(£11 return train ticket for Saturday).

Wandering between the stands, that stretched as far as the eye could see in every direction, the recurring trends seemed to be pastel shades, cutesy floral prints and oversized bows (especially on belts).  I can also see Barack Obama prints becoming very popular in a Che Guervara kinda way.

(£5 coffee and bacon sandwich).

What I didn’t see much of was menswear.  According to the official website; “With the ever growing interest in male fashion we thought we would introduce more male brands into the show and this year we’re turning it up to eleven!”  You might think that means 11 menswear brands were represented but after visiting I think it’s probably just a Spinal Tap reference.

(£10 Punky Fish Christmas present for my sister).

Got caught up watching a Maybelline demonstration (I learnt more about makeup in ten minutes than I had done in my previous 22 years on this earth) and also saw the New Look collection (short skirts with patterned tights and leggings are only going to look good on shapely legs, the scrawny limbs of the New Look ladies weren’t really cutting it).

(£2.30 Orange juice and lemonade combo creates a surprisingly good Fanta substitute).

The catwalk show was amazing and truly eclectic.  it was like some nightmare fairytale with crying ballerinas and crashing chandeliers.  The weasels of the wild wood were like a pack of chavs and Wisteria Lane danced to Paul Anka’s swing jazz cover of Wonderwall.

Extra points for including Kate Bush on the soundtrack and professional dancers as models.  This brought some unexpected enthusiasm and healthy body shapes to the catwalk.

The entire display was kicked off by Alesha Dixon performing The Boy Does Nothing in a sparkly golden dress and I enjoyed it (I have no shame, I’m sorry).

Before I left I picked up The Clothes Show goodie bag, let’s examine its extremely masculine contents;

• Imperial Leather Skin Bliss Unique Shower Lotion
• L’Oréal Paris Elvive Re-Nutrition Caring Shampoo sample
• Nivea My Silhouette! Gel-Cream sample (No, I don’t know what it is either.  All it says on the back is “massage into targeted body parts such as thighs, hips, waist and stomach.”)
• Kit Kat Senses (a chocolate bar that claims “Goodwill to all women – 165 calories.”)
• Alpen Groove cereal bar
• Two teeny-weeny cans of Dr Pepper (they seemed to be the odd ones out in this bag).

They also gave me an official The Clothes Show t-shirt which is even tight on me, so good luck to the people it’s actually aimed at (I’d be giving the Kit Kat Senses and Dr Pepper a miss if I were you).

Then I caught a train to Birmingham News Street and eventually met up with Antonio, Clara, Andy and Reeka after two hours of being stuck in the city with no money and a dead phone.

(£3.50 Chicken burger meal deal).

We set off to an Irish bar but it had been closed down and so we ended up in a delightful chav pub where the best song they played that night was Control Myself by JLo and LL Cool J (everybody “ZeZeZeZeZeZe, ZeZeZeZeZe” etc).

Clara and I missed our train home by three minutes after having to wait to get our pool table deposit back (the chavs were taking too long to pot the ice cubes from the drink they’d spilt over the table) and we ended up sleeping in Antonio’s living room.

(£1.85 M&S prawn mayonnaise sandwich).

(£7.20 single train ticket for Sunday).

Arrived back in Stoke on Sunday afternoon with a head full of phlegm and a raging desire to sleep.  Better luck next week on the money saving front.

(A big thanks to Clara for lending me so much money, I will pay you back.  I’d be stupid not to, you know where I live).

* Student Loan debt of £19,754.92 is still lingering like a bad smell.