At the start of this month I mentioned Abbey Clancy in a post.
Abbey is a WAG with no discernible talents (she was once in a girl group called Genie Queen and has dabbled in cocaine). Clancy has also increased her star power by hooking up with a freakishly tall footballer who shouldn’t be allowed to dance in public.
The reason I mentioned her was to trash this photo that appears in this year’s FHM desktop calendar. I said;
“According to Google Images Abbey Clancy can be attractive, obviously just not in this photo. The only way to make this pose look even the slightest bit naturalistic is to draw a chalk line around her corpse. I half expect Gil Grissom to duck meaningfully under the crime scene tape and make some literary allusion to dead hookers.”
Then I thought no more of it, my mind instead filled with many intellectual thoughts along the lines of “I should probably get dressed now, but first, tea.”
I only remembered Abbey when I went to look at Google Analytics the other day. Top search terms for Scribbleboy.co.uk now include “abbey clancy calendar” and “abbey clancy fhm calendar” and my site is receiving hits from Google Images, Google Images UK, Google Images BG (Bulgaria), Google Images CA (Canada), Google Images DE (Germany), Google Images ES (Spain), Google Images HR (Croatia!?) and Google Images IE (Ireland). Type “abbey clancy fhm calendar” or “abbey clancy fhm polaroid” into Google and I’m on the first page of image results, which is weird because the picture also appears in Abbey Clancy’s FHM gallery and you would think that they should rank higher.
In the spirit of giving the audience what they want here’s another picture of the now infamous Abbey Clancy. As she stares off at her pile of possible outfits on the floor I imagine the internal dialogue would go something like this;
I love this Guns N’ Roses t-shirt, it just perfectly matches my Frankie Morello pants. Maybe I’ll wear it to the FHM shoot, but then again I didn’t think much of Chinese Democracy. This getting dressed thing is all so complicated. Next time I’m going to try putting the bra on first.
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