Somewhere between me making a cup of tea and sleeping, I fell behind on the blog.  let’s try and rectify that, here’s May’s Deskscape and it’s only 11 days late (which by my standards is almost early).

1. FHM Calendar - While other photos from Megan Fox’s FHM shoot get the Madonna-whore duality about right (everything from biting teddies to tearing bears apart) there’s something all too innocent about this photo.  Her boyfriend’s tattooed name peaking out of her pants doesn’t really do anything for me either.  Nonetheless this is one of the best pictures FHM have mustered for this calendar and the more I look at Miss May the more the image grows on me, there’s something strangely hypnotic about the s shape that the light creates when it hits Megan’s side.

2. FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2009 – I may complain about FHM’s desktop calendar but that is nothing compared to the catalogue of errors that is this list.

For Megan Fox, last year’s winner to lose the crown to Cheryl Cole (of Girls Aloud and The X Factor infamy) is nothing short of insulting.

The list is based on the votes of FHM readers and this becomes apparent the more you study it.  Keeley Hazell (The Sun) is fifth, while Gisele (Vanity Fair’s May cover girl) is unplaced.  It’s not about whether these women are attractive, it’s about whether the readers know them.  Cheryl Cole only does so well because she is instantly recognisable, has the common touch and a cheating husband.  Readers wouldn’t be surprised to see her drinking in their local and if they did they figure they’d be in with a chance.

With Cheryl at number one other Girls Aloud members have crept into the listings, including the ginger one at 58.  This is something I will never understand, especially as she is apparently one position more attractive than Beyoncé.

While Girls Aloud are covered comprehensively this attention to detail is not consistent.  Dannii Minogue (97) is listed but Kylie isn’t.  Emily Blunt (73) of The Devil Wears Prada fame is present but Anne Hathaway is glaringly absent.

Britney, Christina, Rachel from Friends and Buffy the Vampire Slayer all loom large and give the list a trapped in the nineties nightmare vibe.

I still don’t understand why Fiona Bruce (98) is included, she’s not even the most attractive newsreader, let alone woman.  The inclusion of Emma Watson seems a bit paedophilic and I feel she should have been substituted for Rochelle from The Saturdays, an example of cradle snatching with which I would be far more comfortable.  Anyone who thinks that Frankie (17) is the most attractive member of the group is unfortunately mistaken.

Gingell found it weird that I was discussing women (and yet not talking about their clothes) and confronted me about my heterosexuality.  The best response is probably a quote from the Hugh Jackman interview in 3. the magazine itself, “You’re not anyone until someone says you’re gay”.  There is little else of note in the magazine, an interesting interview with Piers Morgan and some of the most depressingly effete fashion tips I have ever read.

4. The Conviction Paradox in Jury Decisions – This is Gingell’s dissertation and it is a testament to the clarity of her writing and the thoroughness of her explanation that I understood it.  Yes, it’s a Forensic Psychology dissertation and yet I understood it (apart from a couple of pages but they had numbers on them).  If you want to know what she’s been up to since she finished writing this then head on over to her blog.  I get a special mention on her sporting legends page, which is amusing, accurate and definitely worth a read.

5. Japanese Peace Lily – My lily is in full flower and is now accompanied by the spider plant that Gingell gave me.  It was looking a bit sickly on the shady side of my room so I have moved it to a spot where it can soak up some rays.

6. The Simpsons Novelty Coaster – It reads “Donuts.  Is there anything they can’t do?”  I presume the answer is “Cure diabetes” but as the reverse is blank we shall never know.

7. Daler-Rowney Spiral Bound Black Sketchbook - My sister bought me this ages ago and I’ve always felt that I should fill it with perfect pencil sketches of figures in cafés and sunsets.  That never happened.  Have been doodling the blog icons in it over the past week or so.  

Blog icons are another thing I need to share with you all, along with my weekly finances, my progression through the challenges, being out of my overdraft for half a morning, a rather special blend of tea and many other things I’ve probably forgotten.

Last week I was doing so well; I blogged for six days in a row, which is the closest my life has come to a routine for a long time. My little bubble, however, was burst when Gingell asked me if I was blogging today.  I’d already promised the blog on not one but two separate occassions that I would.

Luckily yesterday should have been Deskscape March and so here, only one day late, is one of my favourite “it’s easier than writing” features.

1. New Curtains? – These are not new curtains, they are the same curtains as ever, just this time they’re not underlit.  Also note how you can see stuff outside as opposed to an overlit tundra like mess.  One day if I ever have money I shall invest in one of these camera type contraptions.
2. FHM Calendar - FHM took pictures of an attractive woman that made her look… attractive.  I’m as shocked as you are.
3. Newspapers – These have been here for a few months now.  Should probably cut out my articles and create a portfolio.
4. Laptop – A photograph of my desk that contains a  photograph of my desk that contains… okay, I’m going to shut up now.
5. Winnie the Pooh Notelet Set – If you want to proclaim your masculinity to the world you can’t go wrong with these bad boys (12 notelets in two designs with matching envelopes, also features Piglet and Tigger).  I need to send a thank you notelet to my Gran before…
6. Package from Gran – …I open this.  Not that I’m scared of her or anything.
7. Mr Piggles – Even though I dropped a plate today and my Dusty Springfield CD was skipping all over the place I have yet to swear.  Gingell said something intelligent about Mr Piggles earlier, when she gets back I’ll get her to repeat it slowly and maybe share it with you next time I post.
8. Dressing Gown – Gingell and Baines bought me this.  It’s so good even my parents can’t find anything wrong with it.