It’s been seven months since we last spoke properly and that’s my fault, I went and got a job and it meant I just didn’t make time for you. That said, I got made redundant in February so I haven′t really had an excuse for the past four months. I guess work put the strange notion in my head that you need something to write about before you start writing (check any posts on here and you’ll see that′s obviously not the case).

My first confession on the writing front is that I am not a novelist. If you’ve been eagerly anticipating NaNoWriMo updates since I wrote about it in October, you’ll be disappointed to know that what was meant to be a 50,000 word novel written in 30 days became 1,386 words abandoned in two weeks. Maybe if I’d documented this more at the time I might be able to tell you why, at a guess I’d say my usual lack of motivation mixed with post-work fatigue and a shot of self doubt. Nonetheless here’s the first couple of sentences and likely the only extract you’ll ever see.

The popping veins on a tensed tan arm danced before his eyes and, as Dreck focused, slowly morphed into the cracks on the nicotine-cream ceiling above the bed. At least he could still see, standing up, though, was going to be another matter entirely.

Besides a three page novel fragment I’ve also been writing reams of inane employment-seeking prose.

With experience on the news desk of a regional daily newspaper I am used to meeting tight deadlines in high pressure environments. I am well suited to office based jobs that require computer literacy and would love to expand my journalistic expertise or explore public relations. My close work with the public and ability to adapt, along with a history in retail, mean that I would also be the ideal candidate for a far broader range of jobs.

Gripping it ain’t.

The only writing of note isn’t even anything new, it’s a version of a Septermber post, How to Be Broke. Edited by Nancy Bennie, styled by Antonio Roberts and on page six of this Lost in The Wood zine.

I can’t say I’ve ever listened to the show but based on the frequency of blog posts around here it’d be advisable for you to read their zine. Here’s a PDF version in case you’re not a fan of the Flash gimmickry above.

This afternoon I move from Stoke-on-Trent (a city I never wrote much about) to Peterborough. Maybe I’ll be better at blogging there.

For many years I thought that book ideas arrived fully formed in authors’ heads and that writing was just the process of copying these ideas down but with added dialogue and detail.  My theories about blogging shared a similar vein of stupidity; no matter how much Antonio cajoled me to create a blog, I held off, waiting for that eureka moment where a unique, previously undocumented topic would reveal itself to me.

After ten months of maintaining a blog about very little, and along the way reading articles such as 6 Writers Who Accidentally Crapped Out Masterpieces, I have been cured of my wrong-headed ways.  I now realise that the perfect idea will never come to me, I will only get to it through continuous writing.

One of the great things about this blog is that it encourages me to do exactly that, to continue writing.  When I do write, people leave me positive comments, they hit the like button on Facebook, they print out the post and read it on the bus. When I don’t, they’re sure to mention it next time I’m in the pub.

November is National Novel Writing Month (henceforth known as NaNoWriMo) and I’m hoping that it will have the exact same peer-pressure-leads-to-productivity effect on me as this blog does.  What I already know for certain is that it has a crazy deadline (a 50,000 word novel in 30 days) and Gingell thinks I should do it (not that I’m scared of her or anything).

As usual I’ll be documenting my successes and failures right here on the blog for your own amusement.  Why not play along at home?

So far I’ve bought the book (not essential), bought the t-shirt (once again not essential) and signed up to the website (yeah, you need to do this one).  It might also be worth your while following @NaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo’s creator @chrisbaty on Twitter and joining their group on Facebook.

Now, you need a support group.  If, like me, you happen to reside in Stoke-on-Trent you’ll notice a somewhat glaring omission, the nearest substitutes being either Birmingham or Manchester.  I’ve picked Birmingham simply because I know the area better and I have friends that live there, although that isn’t to say I won’t be crashing other meetings and posting reviews here.  If you want to know more about the Birmingham group you can always take a look at their Facebook group.

The next Birmingham meet starts at midday this Saturday at  the Coffee Lounge.  If you’re wondering where the Coffee Lounge is, here are some simple directions; leave the train station by the other entrance (the one without the ticket office and the Burger King), look across the road.  If you’re still confused, take a little look at this Google Map.

If you find the idea of affiliating yourself with another city morally repulsive or you just don’t like paying travel expenses there is still hope. A Stokie WriMo movement is in its infancy, follow them on Twitter, join them on Facebook.  If they decide on a meeting place I shall go along and report back.

In the meantime, I’ve nabbed the very first NaNoVideo from the official site.  I thoroughly recommend it as a good way to spend a couple of minutes while you wait for the kettle to boil or whatever it is you do with your life.

chrisbaty

The river of liquid cheese slowly coursed its way through the greasy lamb and bacon landscape, navigating the occasional deep-fried onion ring, before slipping over the burger bun and dripping, with the gentlest of patter, onto my chip-infested plate.

“You’re not taking this race training very seriously are you?” said Frosty.  Looking back at him across the Wetherspoon’s table, I took a sip of my pint as I considered his question.

Sunday 13 September

The sky was an early morning shade of grey and Regent’s Park thronged with runners. Maybe I should have been more concerned with my lack of training but my little head was revelling in the fact that I had woken up at 5am and was not tired, had eaten breakfast and that the t-shirt in my race pack meant I had successfully infiltrated this herd of joggers.

Shortly after Gingell and I arrived, Matt (aka blankbadge) showed up.  It was good to finally meet him, although he maintains this has happened before.  After being spoilt for choice when it came to picking out a portaloo, we made our way to a wet bench where we busied ourselves safety-pinning our race numbers to our tops (475, since you ask) and fastening our timing chips to our laces to measure our start and finish times.  It may also be worth remembering that the top of your race number should line up with the base of your breastbone, remember this well else the real runners may turn on you.

Eventually we were led through a presumably thorough warm up, although I don’t really have anything to compare it to, before being separated off into our holding pens.  There were four; ranging from orange, for those whose predicted running times were a death wish, through white (Gingell) and onto more sensible segments such as green (yours truly) and pink (Matt).

Then we waited.  The excitement began to fade and the cold set in, and then half an half hour later there was a stirring and we began the slow collective walk to the start line.  In front of me a grey haired man with a beige hearing aid, a young girl with a big wig and a neck tattoo, a middle aged couple repeatedly sucking face, all of humanity decked out in garish white shoes.

And then we were off.  The group slowly spread out and with that I was able to find a comfortable speed without tripping over anyone.

If you want to talk training and technique then it’s probably best to head on over to Gingell’s blog but at that stage all I knew was this; if I don’t finish this race Gingell will mock me relentlessly, therefore I must finish this race.  The reason I fail at running is because I don’t pace myself, therefore I must keep pace with these running experts around me.

Whether they were running experts or not I shall never know but it seemed to work.  The first two kilometres were pleasant; I took in the park scenery and was generally impressed by lots of smiley marshals who had matched their yellow tops with metallic accessories.

After that I began to experience the dullest of aches in my belly but it was nothing compared with my usual running pains, this was probably because I was keeping a sensible pace. At three kilometres there was a water stand, further on someone attempted to play the didgeridoo (either that or someone spiked the water stand), at four people were chanting my name (well, they were chanting the name Jon, that’s good enough for me) and then onto five, seconds before crossing the finish line I saw Gingell cheering me on and then it was over.

I had run five kilometres in 30 minutes 42 seconds, which for a non-runner is rather impressive.

As I picked up my goodie bag I felt drained but I also felt a real sense of achievement.  After stretching (I just copied Gingell) I sat, wrapped in my space blanket, sucking on my Powerade, thinking.

Prior to the run Matt had asked me why I was doing this race and I hadn’t really been able to come up with a satisfactory answer.  Running was a way to bond with Gingell, running was something people wouldn’t expect me to do, running was something that I was good at, yet also a sport.

Ultimately, I may be forced to admit that I like running.

Related Posts

Bupa Great Capital Run – Race Report
It’s been a very full weekend

The other day my friend’s Facebook status read “Stan Chau has no money till Friday :(” and instead of responding with “sux 2 b u lolz” or whatever the correct etiquette is these days I decided to type some tongue-in-cheek survival tips.  The response was unexpectedly positive, so I’ve decided to expand on them and put them up here.  Think of it as a tasty little starter to the rather bland but filling main course that is Finance July.

How to be Broke

So, You Think You’re Broke

More than likely you’re not broke, you just think you’re broke because a paycheck or student loan is taking longer than expected to arrive (if this isn’t the case, and you have no savings of any kind, you should probably seek real financial advice rather than reading my blog).

This delusion of brokeness first sets in when an ATM refuses to give you any money.  Instead of panicking, take your bank card to student cash point (the kind that dispenses five pound notes) and make a withdrawal.  If you can’t find one  or you have less than a fiver in your account go to your nearest branch and make a withdrawal, it might also be worth asking for an overdraft extension while you’re there (the worst they can do is say no).

Now collect together all the change you have in your trouser pockets, coat pockets and change jar.  Have a look down the back of your sofa and under your bed.  Is there a place you hide money for emergencies?  Look there.  It’s also worth thoroughly examining your wallet, more often than not there’s a slot that you “never use” that turns out to be harbouring a fiver.  Also collect any foreign coins you have and take it all to a Coinstar machine.

Food

By now you should have almost £10, and it’s more than likely that the Coinstar machine you’re standing at is located in a supermarket, so it’s time to go food shopping.  Whatever you do, however, don’t do this when you’re hungry or else you’ll just end up buying yourself snacks that you’ll have consumed before you’re even halfway home.

Stick to the end of the aisles because this is where all the deals are located.  Try and purchase things that will turn the leftovers you have at home into edible meals, it is useful to remember the following universal laws;

anything + bread = a sandwich

anything + eggs = an omelette

Also it is inevitable that you have tonnes of dusty pasta and rice, buy some sauce so you can actually eat this stuff.  If you don’t already have it, purchase some granulated coffee.  When you run out of food start making very strong cups of coffee so thick they’re like paste, this will stave off hunger for a while.

Fun

The cheapest hobby you can ever take up is sleeping, try and do this as much as possible.  When you do find yourself conscious,  drinking will help you through this (understand that these tips are “tongue-in-cheek”, so if your mother or your liver start complaining you can’t hold me responsible).  Find an open bar or at least a bar that will serve you free drinks.  Free food and free drink should now be the criteria you use to decide which social events you attend.  If friends and family owe you money or dinner now is the time to collect those debts.

For numerous examples of what not to do, keep reading.

Finance July

Week commencing 6th July (0 posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £17 food
• £67 council tax
• £19 Vodafone
• £15 insurance

Total: £118

End of Week Total: -£3,568

Week commencing 13th July (two posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £77 food (seems somewhat excessive, not sure if that’s actually true)
• £20 student loan over calculation repayment (only another £1,346 to go on this one, plus whatever interest they’ve decided to heap on top)
• £29 rounding error (numbers seem to be seriously sketchy this month, although they were back when I did this on a weekly basis.  Some things never change)

Total: £126

End of Week Total: -£3,694

Week commencing 20th July (0 posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £45 food
• £2 drink (I know this category tends to be reserved for drinks of the alcoholic variety but I have a Tesco receipt for the time I bought Fanta Fruit Crush and nothing else)
• £45 rent to Nick (I stayed with him temporarily while I found a new house)
• £56 utilities to Gingell (outstanding debts from the Green House)
• £20 for my BUPA Great Capital Run 2009 registration (I was sober when I paid for this as well, I blame Gingell.  I promise to blog about it sometime soon)

Total: £168

End of Week Total: -£3,862

Week commencing 27th July (0 posts)

Incoming:

• £800 as a freelance writer (feels really weird to be typing that one)
• £20 from Envirophone (these guys paid me £20 for the broken phone I blogged about here, well worth checking them out)

Total: £820

Outgoing:

• £36 food
• £20 drink
• £8 transport
• £45 rent to Nick
• £5 utilities to Gingell
• £50 Vodafone (apparently the Samsung J700i is a pay-as-you-go phone so if you have it on contract you can’t insure it, therefore when I got mugged I had to pay to replace it.  The girl in the shop was very helpful though and had good eye makeup)
• £6 entertainment (after reading about the likely demise of The Observer I grew nostalgic for newspapers and went out and bought The Sunday Times, as I would have done four years ago.  My subsequent live tweeting of each supplement clogged up Gingell’s tweetfeed.  I also picked up the September issue of Front Magazine)
• £4 wallet (“Is it a gift? I can wrap it for you.” “No, I got mugged earlier.”  Awkward silence ensues)
• £95 rounding error (like I said, the numbers are sketchy)

Total: £269

End of Month Total: -£3,311

The Poverty Line, for the month of July*

* Figures are rounded up and my student loan debt of £19,993.48 is not included but then regular readers already knew that.

This blog asks you to do one thing – challenge me.  It should probably make a second request – for you to explain your challenge.  While “write more” and “eat breakfast daily” require little explanation, requests such as “review All High School Musical Films” are likely to leave people scratching their heads as to how they will improve my life.

When Gingell first set this challenge I wrote that “Sometimes I think Gingell is trying to fashion me into the gay BFF she never had.” but I think it’s more likely to be another attempt to emasculate me for her own amusement.

High School Musical

There are three kinds of people that hate High School Musical and I have sympathy for none of them.*

The first kind have assumed they don’t like this film without even watching it.

The second kind were “forced” to watch the film by a loved one.  These are the High School haters I seem to encounter the most.  The only problem with them is that when they’re telling me that “it’s got Zac Efron in it” and how they had to sit through “like songs and stuff” all I’m hearing is;

My girlfriend loves this film and loves sharing stuff with me. I spent an hour and forty minutes snuggling with her on the sofa.  There was beer and snacks.

I most definitely have no sympathy for you people.

The third variety of haters, however, are the most bizarre. In fact if you watched A Clockwork Orange and then complained about the lack of mechanised fruit you’d appear normal in comparison with these people.  These are the people who watched High School Musical and were disappointed there were songs in it, or watched this Disney movie and then complained that it was too cheesy.  Most everything you need to know about this film is contained in the title; Disney’s High School Musical.  If you’re still unsure about whether you’ll like this film, watch the first minute.  If you want to know where the plot’s heading, watch an additional three minutes, or alternatively, keep reading.

Troy Bolton (Zac Efron) and Gabriella Montez (Vanessa Hudgens) share a love that dare not speak its name, the forbidden love of a jock and a nerd.

While Troy is captain of East High School’s Wildcat basketball team, Gabriella is a Hollywood nerd, by which I mean she’s like a regular nerd apart from she looks stunning, has good hair and skin, can sing and dance and lacks any kind of social dysfunction.

Brought together through ski lodge karaoke, the duo form a special bond which soon leads them onto activities that both their social groups deem unacceptable, namely auditioning for their high school musical.  With Troy and Gabriella’s names on the play sign-up sheet it isn’t long before other characters are confessing their deep dark secrets; everything from playing the cello to a love for baking.  These shocking confessions are revealed and promptly condemned in the musical number Stick To The Status Quo.

It is not just the status quo that is being threatened but also the positions of drama queen Sharpay Evans and raging queen Ryan. This brother and sister double act resort to dirty tricks when it looks like Troy and Gabriella might oust them from the musical’s lead roles.  Like all baddies in Disney movies, however, they ultimately fail, as do the jocks and nerds who try to dissuade Gabriella and Troy from trying something different.

All are shown the error of their ways when the star-crossed lovers sing Breaking Free (“You know the world can see us/ In a way that’s different than who we are/ Creating space between us/ Till we’re separate hearts”) and all renounce their wrong-headed and divisive ways in the final number We’re All in This Together.

The songs may not be amazing and the plot may rely on cliché but as a whole this film works, the characters are developed just enough to be engaging and the film is permeated by a gentle humour which means you can’t take it too seriously.  If you hated this film you probably hated every Disney film and every musical you ever watched. I have no sympathy for you, Disney’s High School Musical did nothing more than what it said it would on the box.

* Antonio, as per usual, you are an exception to the rule.  High School Musical family karaoke sounds truly horrific.

Working nine to five may be the way Dolly Parton intended but for a time it severely sapped my urge to blog. After spending all day sat at a computer typing, when I got home all I wanted to do was make a drink, watch some tv and crawl into bed.

When I wasn’t tired, I was busy. Since we last spoke I’ve moved house twice, which has involved a lot of sorting, a lot of packing and a few trips to the charity shop. It’s also meant working my way through a variety of internet connections, most of them unreliable or non-existent, and spending too long on the phone trying to change my address details with numerous faceless corporations.

I guess the other big thing that’s happened to me is that I got mugged. Here’s the account I gave to The Sentinel. It’s been over three weeks now since my attack so I think I’m over it, although it took a lot longer to replace my bank card than it should have done. For some reason my local branch only opens during office hours and doesn’t open at all over the weekend. This would be a brilliant business strategy if unemployed people had any money.

So, now I’ve fixed my sleeping pattern, settled into my new house and have almost sorted all my records, it’s time to pick myself up and get back on the blogging horse.

I’d like to start with a comment Clara left on my Facebook wall in relation to my new job.

very very good Jon! Quite proud of you at the moment! I will be checking in on the website to see fundamental changes to the graph

Now this might cause confusion for some of you but that’s understandable, I’m not saying it’s a long time since I created graphs to represent my debt but it’s probably before you were born.

Finance June

Week commencing 1st June (three posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £10 food
• £728 rent
• £67 council tax
• £18 Vodafone
• £10 entertainment (I went barfuss at Trentham and I bought Front Magazine)

Total: £833

End of Week Total: -£3,046

Week commencing 8th June (one post)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £38 food
• £48 transport (catching all those trains to go to Sky School)
• £100 utilities

Total: £186

End of Week Total: -£3,232

Week commencing 15th June (0 posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £38 food
• £3 drink (I bought a medium Pepsi at the cinema because I didn’t realise they had a coffee machine, it was sickly sweet and apparently medium now means bigger than my head)
• £20 student loan over calculation repayment
• £15 insurance
• £6 entertainment (I went to see Night at the Museum 2 at the cinema and it was a lot better than I imagined it would have been)

Total: £82

End of Week Total: -£3,314

Week commencing 22nd June (two posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £50 food
• £20 transport
• £1 stationery (an address book I needed for work)
• £9 rounding error (haven’t a clue)

Total: £80

End of Week Total: -£3,394

Week commencing 29th June (one post)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

• £26 food
• £10 drink
• £20 transport

Total: £56

End of Month Total: -£3,540

The Poverty Line, for the month of June*

For those a little perturbed by the re-appearance of the graph, here’s one last photo from the phone with some words of wisdom that it’d be worth you heeding.

* Figures are rounded up and my student loan debt, which has now risen to £19,993.48, is not included.

Before we go any further I’d like to apologise for my previous post. By the time you’d recovered from that first sentence I had vanished, leaving behind only a creepy 30 second animation by way of an explanation.  Sorry.

After way too long spent working in sales and being unemployed I am now getting paid to write every weekday and not on a commission basis but for a genuine honest wage.  In the interests of professionalism I don’t want to get into details here on the blog but rest assured that I have updated the about box and author page to reflect my current situation.

In theory this blog has always been about the challenges but it’s tended to stray and has been characterised by some as a record of my quest for employment.  Now I have found work it might be worth recapping on the challenges, it also might be worth you making a cup of tea, this could take a while.

1. Write More

My progress through the subsections of this challenge was comprehensively covered in this post and with my new job the only things left to cross off are freelancing and writing a 50,000 word novel in November.  On the freelancing front, an article I wrote about commissioning promotional videos may be getting published in a trade magazine soon, although I’m not sure this is exciting enough to count.

Something I’ve been meaning to do and have mentioned a handful of times on this blog is to put together a portfolio of my work and even though I said I wouldn’t add any additional subsections to this challenge…

1g. Put together a portfolio of my work.

2. Get out of Debt

I was a bit of a techtard yesterday and managed to delete a number of things, including the most recent version of the spreadsheet I use to calculate my debt.  Nonetheless, I will input the data once more and bring you Finance June this Friday, if you’re really lucky I might even redraw the graph for you.

4. Wake up at a Reasonable Hour

When work starts at 9am having a challenge to get up before 9:30am seems a bit redundant.  Consider the challenge modified.  I will document my early bird ways for a month and then consider this challenge completed, any creative ideas on how to do this would be appreciated, otherwise I might be forced to take 31 photos of an alarm clock in a style similar to what I did with the apples back in April.

6. Learn to Drive

When I’ve repaid my parents and finished my student loan over calculation repayments (that thing needs some kind of acronym) I will be investing in some lessons.  My sister had her first lesson today and says she can already “turn it on, make it go and make it stop.”

7. Complete my Degree

As previously mentioned I’ve come to realise that a journalism degree would be pointless for me.  Instead I am going to look into getting my NCTJ certificates (I already have one of the law certificates) and then completing an Open University degree, probably in English Literature, at a later date.

8. Keep Eating Steak and Crumpets

Next week I get paid, which means I can eat steak without feeling bad.  Instead of just eating steaks in different places, taking a poorly lit photo on my sorry excuse for a camera phone and then labelling them “tasty” or “like rubber” I’m going to try and make this a bit more interesting for you.  I’m going to try and eat steaks with lots of different people and incorporate a bit about them and what we talked about into the review.  This could go horribly wrong.

Haven’t had any crumpets recently but in other Breads of the World news (I named it after the section in Sainsbury’s) I did have some English muffins the other day.  These probably deserve a post of their own because whenever I use the word muffin people think of the big-as-your-head American muffins that are meant to taste of chocolate but more often than not taste of clay.

Well, that seems like enough for now.  One of the other things I managed to delete yesterday was the file containing all the most recent versions of my blog icons.  Going to go through three DVDs, two Operating Systems and one inbox and try and see what I can turn up.  Laters.

In March I made you a promise. I’d quit the overdrafts and cut back on my bank accounts.  We’re now in June and I only have two accounts and for a short time last month I was even in the black.  Once these two conditions were met I said that I’d make Finance Friday a less frequent event, so here are the last two weeks of May.  From now on I’ll update you on a monthly basis.

Week commencing 18th May (blogged three times)

According to my bank statements I didn’t acquire any pennies this week, nor did I spend any pounds.  This is contradicted by receipts, my memory and reality.  Presumably I was spending loose change found strewn across my room, more than likely the £16 I couldn’t account for the week previous and also £55 that Frosty lent me.

End of Week Total: -£2,820

Week commencing 25th May (blogged twice)

Incoming:

• £80 wages (from the traffic survey I mentioned in this post)
• £10 from my Gran

Total: £90

Outgoing:

• £57 food
• £14 drink
• £36 gifts
• £55 repaid to Frosty

Total: £162

End of Month Total: -£2,892

Since Finance Friday is now only a monthly ordeal I might even start redrawing the graph, for this month however you get one last photo from the phone.

This is a snap of the sticker that Gingell was giving away to anyone on Twitter who promoted her blog over the weekend.  If you didn’t follow the link yesterday, there’s no harm in taking a look today, especially as there’s a new post to read.  This piece of Running from Zombies merchandise now takes pride of place on my music box just above my Wu-Tang Clan sticker (yes, their new album Chamber Music is out on Tuesday, going to reign my excitement in for now because I haven’t met anyone that feels the same way.  If however you are hyped check out Fat Lace Magazine, a project Reg is involved with, to preview some of the tracks).

On the topic of merchandise, I’d like some input from you dearest reader.  Would you like to see some scribbleboy.co.uk freebies?  If so what kind of items and where can I buy them cheap?  This is unlike anything I’ve done before on this blog, the closest I ever got was offering a free drink to anyone who came up with a creative swear word that wasn’t on my list of banned words for Lent.  This was won by a man who works in bar and was therefore ultimately pointless.  His name is Nick, I’m going to leave you with his winning submission;

donkeyrapingassmaster possibly not something in you’re vocabulary but soon will be when you start thinking about it, plus it rolls of the tongue quite well i have found when delivered as one word…….. try it and add a quid to the jar.

Some people say I haven’t been doing anything, I say my work is everywhere.*

Since I started this website in November two things have surprised me about blogging.  First, how many people read my posts.  In my head scribbleboy.co.uk is a dust covered tome tucked away in some corner of the internet bookcase read by half a dozen close friends.  In reality hundreds of people paw over these pages in a forlorn search for Megan Fox’s breasts.  I don’t have them.  Nor do I have Alesha Dixon’s legs or Abbey Clancy’s ass.  I am not some kind of pervert butcher.  Those who aren’t on a quest to discover the choicest celebrity cuts, or at least pause in their search, seem to enjoy what I write.  Sometimes they even leave comments.

The second thing that surprises me is that people don’t just read my words but are influenced and inspired by them.  Maybe Gingell said it best when she said;

Scribs was the first (and only) person I knew to maintain a blog about nothing…which went some way in to convincing me I could start this one.

Yesterday marked her 50th post on Running from Zombies, congratulations.

Another blog that I helped out with, and maybe in some ways helped to inspire, is Sound Guy Guy.  It’s been a while since Guy updated properly but it sounds like his computer is now fixed, so if you’ve finally caught up with his travel diary, too bad.  If however, you’ve been suffering from a dearth of Megan Fox based content, rejoice (wasn’t July’s GQ enough for you?)

Frosty, who documented our adventures through Asia last year, is back in the blogging game with Work Hard Play Hard, a blog that takes a few pointers (and plugins) from this very site.  Unlike last year’s thoroughly comprehensive travel blog this one will be a selection of edited highlights and will continue to document the adventures of Frosty long after he has returned to the UK.

Here’s an awesome time-lapse video of a Malaysian sunset that Frosty filmed.  There’s plenty more footage, photos and observations like this on his blog.

A blog where my touch is at its most obvious is TWKM.  It’s a blog about a guy trying to improve his life by completing challenges suggested by readers, or as Stanford puts it;

It’s a blatant rip off of scribbleboy, but I don’t care because it’s a good one.

Have a read of Stanford’s challenges here and suggest one of your own.  He’s already suggested one for me to complete;

I challenge you to regularly answer an ad on gumtree, craiglist or similar websites, be it serious (which can lead to expanding your skills, social circle, or jobs) or funny (asking to swap a hexopus (an octopus with six legs) for a wii remote for instance).

Post results (with anonymity kept) for all to see.

Restriction is that it shouldn’t be rude or destructive to the ad poster.

I’ll be trying to do this weekly myself, depending on how realistic it is.

I will get onto this challenge (challenge 21) soon and blog my results.

To give you a little bit of context, Stanford is one of Antonio’s friend whom I met at Annabel and John’s New Year’s Eve party (I make the briefest of references to the party here).  It was one of the most civilised parties I’ve been to in a long time with dips, fireworks and champagne at midnight.  An indication of how classy it was is that Stanford’s pictures are in black and white.  To gain a greater understanding of who Stanford is and the mind behind TWKM I recommend reading his about page.  I also recommend reading the nine blog posts he’s made in just over a week.  I don’t recommend comparing his output with mine, that will just make me look bad.

The penultimate blog I’m going to take a look at is FeatherQuest.  This site is written and maintained by Holly, who you might remember made me eat apples all through April.  Holly’s blog is about… well, I’ll let her say it;

This blog is based on the idea that I need to shape my life a little better. I need more control other than just random drifting and I had an idea that maybe my friends could set me challenges. Things I could do to improve my life or become a better person. I also aim to do reviews and general stuff to further my writing.

I have challenged her to get some of her written work published and to share the stages of her creative process with readers.  This ties in nicely with the freelancing challenge I have set myself (challenge 1e).

I’m going to wrap this up with the most literal example of me inspiring a blog post;

This is a portrait of me by Antonio of hellocatfood.com that I’ve been meaning to post for a long time.  You could read his blog but I wouldn’t recommend doing it too quickly because he updates even less regularly than I do.  Before I sign off a few quick shout outs to blogs that are not tainted by me but are still worth reading;

Life Through God’s Sunglasses – My former housemate Baines’ site.  What with her leaving and Gingell going out so much I have been forced to strike up conversations with inanimate objects.  Will be worth keeping an eye on this page for updates of Baines’ adventures in Nepal.

Wheels on Fire – Ally keeps a record of how he is ritually humiliated and beaten by his girlfriend his training, sometimes this involves Gingell.  I know I plugged it before but it’s come a long way since then and you can get a better idea of his weekly routine, plus it now has pictures.

Night,

Scribs

*If I was God this is the kind of thing I would say.

On Friday 22nd May I replied to a vaguely worded job description posted on reed.co.uk. It read;

DO YOU HAVE THE X – FACTOR ?

Birmingham based Advertising company looking for individuals with a great attitude to work within a lively outgoing environment.

We are looking for people with that special X – Factor that can be trained up to join our busy PR team.

Must have excellent skills in customer service, confidence in their communication levels and be willing to be trained from scratch.

Full training given with opportunities for advancement for the career minded.

Please forward your CV to us for consideration.

Ten days later they made contact.  According to the man on the phone I had enough “X – Factor” to get an interview.  When I returned home there was an email from Scorpia Corporation informing me that I was also being considered for their “Business Development Program”.  Further details could be found on their website, ANB Promotions.

This is when I became suspicious.  Scorp Corp had placed the advert on behalf of The Cobra Group, part of which was ANB Promotions LTD, the company I would be working for if my interview was successful.*

Ignore that scorpions and cobras poison their prey, ignore that ANB stands for A New Beginning and sounds like a new-age cult, just look at the website.  It looks very professional, with a lot of stock photography and very little detail.  If I was part of an undercover operation this is the kind of site I’d put together to try and convince the public that we were legitimate.  Look at their contact page, their location pulsates, as if at any moment it will vanish, and the man in the dark glasses looks nothing if not shady.

It was at this point that I wondered if ANB Promotions was my Credit Dauphin, if like Sydney Bristow in Alias I’d be recruited for what on the surface appears to be a banking corporation but in reality turns out to be a criminal organisation.  When a business says they’re “a leading below-the-line direct marketing specialist representing an array of national and international clients” you wonder what you’re going to be asked to do.  As it turned out it wasn’t ripping off jumpsuits to reveal slinky cocktail dresses and abseiling in heels, although it was seven floors up from a cross-dressing strip club.

ANB Promotions is located in Chinatown in Birmingham and provides other businesses with new customers.  One of their most recent clients is Sky TV.  Sky currently have 9.3 million customers in the UK and are aiming for 10m in the next five years.  Here are some facts that make ANB happy; Sky’s closest competition is Virgin who are losing 2,500 customers a month.  Some people are just trying to save money, others are unemployed, both are watching more tv and scrutinising how much they pay for this service.

I passed the first interview.

Then I completed the evaluation day.

Then I passed the second interview.

Then I was invited back for the training week.

Then, if I passed the end of week test, I would have a job selling pay tv door-to-door.  This job would be commission based, so if no one bought Sky then I wouldn’t get paid.

The training week began on Monday at 9:30am with some of the most detailed paperwork I have seen in a long time.  Hair colour, eye colour, height.  A five year history of all employment, unemployment and education to the exact date with no omissions or overlaps.  I was also required to arrive with eight different documents, including a reference I had to source and print over the weekend.

Afterwards we went into a boardroom.  We were given talks and we took tests, I dubbed this part Sky School.  Most days we didn’t finish until at least nine at night.

On Wednesday I got to go out in the field with my Sky Buddy Kristel, as I had done on the evaluation day.  Kristel was born in Estonia, lived in Norway and has worked with ANB Promotions for over a year now.  She has an amazing sense of humour, bought me an umbrella when it rained and is very good at what she does.

Then on Thursday we did the same again, only this time with less rain, flying bugs, and unfortunately, less sales.  Every day each field representative is given a walk sheet (note my correct usage of technical terms there) detailing 100 names and addresses of people who can afford Sky tv but are currently with someone else.  The average success rate is seven.  For the entire week.

Friday I quit.

I met some great people and I learnt a lot about sales, psychology and body language but this job was not for me.  In the short term I had to jump through a lot of hoops to make money that wouldn’t have covered my transport costs.  Long term this job could have been quite profitable but I’d be trapped in a tiring, repetitious, mentally draining job.

The job hunt continues on Monday.

* A subsection of The Cobra Group is Appco Direct LTD.  ANB Promotions and Lifestyle Advertising are both subsections of Appco Direct.  While the email suggested I’d be working for ANB it turned out I was working for Lifestyle.  Both companies share the same office and do exactly the same things, only with different coloured folders.  Mine was red.