Archive for the 'Life' Category

21
Sep

All of Humanity in Garish White Shoes

...and when I woke up I was in a field, wrapped in tin foil drinking someone else's urine. Again.

The river of liquid cheese slowly coursed its way through the greasy lamb and bacon landscape, navigating the occasional deep-fried onion ring, before slipping over the burger bun and dripping, with the gentlest of patter, onto my chip-infested plate.

“You’re not taking this race training very seriously are you?” said Frosty.  Looking back at him across the Wetherspoon’s table, I took a sip of my pint as I considered his question.

Sunday 13 September

The sky was an early morning shade of grey and Regent’s Park thronged with runners. Maybe I should have been more concerned with my lack of training but my little head was revelling in the fact that I had woken up at 5am and was not tired, had eaten breakfast and that the t-shirt in my race pack meant I had successfully infiltrated this herd of joggers.

Shortly after Gingell and I arrived, Matt (aka blankbadge) showed up.  It was good to finally meet him, although he maintains this has happened before.  After being spoilt for choice when it came to picking out a portaloo, we made our way to a wet bench where we busied ourselves safety-pinning our race numbers to our tops (475, since you ask) and fastening our timing chips to our laces to measure our start and finish times.  It may also be worth remembering that the top of your race number should line up with the base of your breastbone, remember this well else the real runners may turn on you.

Eventually we were led through a presumably thorough warm up, although I don’t really have anything to compare it to, before being separated off into our holding pens.  There were four; ranging from orange, for those whose predicted running times were a death wish, through white (Gingell) and onto more sensible segments such as green (yours truly) and pink (Matt).

Then we waited.  The excitement began to fade and the cold set in, and then half an half hour later there was a stirring and we began the slow collective walk to the start line.  In front of me a grey haired man with a beige hearing aid, a young girl with a big wig and a neck tattoo, a middle aged couple repeatedly sucking face, all of humanity decked out in garish white shoes.

And then we were off.  The group slowly spread out and with that I was able to find a comfortable speed without tripping over anyone.

If you want to talk training and technique then it’s probably best to head on over to Gingell’s blog but at that stage all I knew was this; if I don’t finish this race Gingell will mock me relentlessly, therefore I must finish this race.  The reason I fail at running is because I don’t pace myself, therefore I must keep pace with these running experts around me.

Whether they were running experts or not I shall never know but it seemed to work.  The first two kilometres were pleasant; I took in the park scenery and was generally impressed by lots of smiley marshals who had matched their yellow tops with metallic accessories.

After that I began to experience the dullest of aches in my belly but it was nothing compared with my usual running pains, this was probably because I was keeping a sensible pace. At three kilometres there was a water stand, further on someone attempted to play the didgeridoo (either that or someone spiked the water stand), at four people were chanting my name (well, they were chanting the name Jon, that’s good enough for me) and then onto five, seconds before crossing the finish line I saw Gingell cheering me on and then it was over.

I had run five kilometres in 30 minutes 42 seconds, which for a non-runner is rather impressive.

As I picked up my goodie bag I felt drained but I also felt a real sense of achievement.  After stretching (I just copied Gingell) I sat, wrapped in my space blanket, sucking on my Powerade, thinking.

Prior to the run Matt had asked me why I was doing this race and I hadn’t really been able to come up with a satisfactory answer.  Running was a way to bond with Gingell, running was something people wouldn’t expect me to do, running was something that I was good at, yet also a sport.

Ultimately, I may be forced to admit that I like running.

Related Posts

Bupa Great Capital Run – Race Report
It’s been a very full weekend

30
Aug

Fun Things to Do When Not at Work

While I was out the electricity managed to trip the switch and when I returned home I thought I’d been cut off, therefore;

1. Call npower because “if we do not hear from you within the next 14 days we may take steps to disconnect your energy supply for safety reasons.” [Am now bessie friends with all my utility buddies.]

2. Pay water bill and ask to pay monthly, get housies to set-up a Direct Debit when they get here.

3. Have words with my bank about them trying to charge me £30 in fees.  Write a letter in the style of Rebecca Bloomwood if necessary.

4. Activate my new sim card with Vodafone and get them to send me the bill breakdown that they promised.

5. Read all the paperwork about the protection on my new bank card and figure out what I’m doing with that. [Cancel it and save £6 a month.]

6. Fill out the voter registration form for the house.

7. Change my address with the following people;

  • Work
  • The council (need to sort out my council tax payments)
  • The National Blood Service (think it’s probably time to give again)
  • My insurance people
  • My building society
  • Doctors
  • Opticians (very tempted to trial some contact lenses)
  • National Savings and Investments (maybe even pick up some bonds along the way)
  • Amnesty International (think they might still be sending stuff to an address I had three years ago, also I need to set up a Direct Debit on my new account)

8. Replace my stolen Nectar card (I miss that thing).

9. Pay off student loan over calculation repayment.

10. Pay off dad.

11. Invest in driving lessons.

12. Look into getting my NCTJs (apparently only £386).

13. See if I can transfer credits from Staffs Uni to Open University and how much an English Literature degree costs.

14. Will add more fun-sucking activities as and when I think of them, should probably speak to someone about ISAs.

15. Replace passport, apparently I need a new passport form and a LS01. [Maybe if the Post Office even stocked them, just do it online instead.]

16. Get a student associate card and a young person’s railcard.

17. Fill out another voter registration form for the house because the council are incompetent (and obviously didn’t read number 6 on this list).

18. Pay the gas bill.

21
Aug

Not Dead, Still

Working nine to five may be the way Dolly Parton intended but for a time it severely sapped my urge to blog. After spending all day sat at a computer typing, when I got home all I wanted to do was make a drink, watch some tv and crawl into bed.

When I wasn’t tired, I was busy. Since we last spoke I’ve moved house twice, which has involved a lot of sorting, a lot of packing and a few trips to the charity shop. It’s also meant working my way through a variety of internet connections, most of them unreliable or non-existent, and spending too long on the phone trying to change my address details with numerous faceless corporations.

I guess the other big thing that’s happened to me is that I got mugged. Here’s the account I gave to The Sentinel. It’s been over three weeks now since my attack so I think I’m over it, although it took a lot longer to replace my bank card than it should have done. For some reason my local branch only opens during office hours and doesn’t open at all over the weekend. This would be a brilliant business strategy if unemployed people had any money.

So, now I’ve fixed my sleeping pattern, settled into my new house and have almost sorted all my records, it’s time to pick myself up and get back on the blogging horse.

I’d like to start with a comment Clara left on my Facebook wall in relation to my new job.

very very good Jon! Quite proud of you at the moment! I will be checking in on the website to see fundamental changes to the graph

Now this might cause confusion for some of you but that’s understandable, I’m not saying it’s a long time since I created graphs to represent my debt but it’s probably before you were born.

Finance June

Week commencing 1st June (three posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

Total: £833

End of Week Total: -£3,046

Week commencing 8th June (one post)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

  • £38 food
  • £48 transport (catching all those trains to go to Sky School)
  • £100 utilities

Total: £186

End of Week Total: -£3,232

Week commencing 15th June (0 posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

  • £38 food
  • £3 drink (I bought a medium Pepsi at the cinema because I didn’t realise they had a coffee machine, it was sickly sweet and apparently medium now means bigger than my head)
  • £20 student loan over calculation repayment
  • £15 insurance
  • £6 entertainment (I went to see Night at the Museum 2 at the cinema and it was a lot better than I imagined it would have been)

Total: £82

End of Week Total: -£3,314

Week commencing 22nd June (two posts)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

  • £50 food
  • £20 transport
  • £1 stationery (an address book I needed for work)
  • £9 rounding error (haven’t a clue)

Total: £80

End of Week Total: -£3,394

Week commencing 29th June (one post)

Incoming: £0

Outgoing:

  • £26 food
  • £10 drink
  • £20 transport

Total: £56

End of Month Total: -£3,540

broke_05

The Poverty Line, for the month of June*

For those a little perturbed by the re-appearance of the graph, here’s one last photo from the phone with some words of wisdom that it’d be worth you heeding.

Great piece of design, first time I've seen it in real life

* Figures are rounded up and my student loan debt, which has now risen to £19,993.48, is not included.

17
Jul

*Intermission*

Think work might have drained me of all my words (yes, I have been rehabilitated into the working world). I promise that I will try and write something on the train when I go to see Peterborough play Villa on Saturday (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d type).  I’m attending the game as part of Jason’s birthday celebrations, so anyone who knows anything about this football thing feel free to leave comments, preferably comments I can memorise and recite in an attempt to appear knowledgeable.

In the meantime here’s a 30 second animation I made while at university, I feel it deserves a home on the internet and hopefully it’ll put paid to all those rumours that I never did any work.

Soundtrack is a 30 second sample of Better Version of Me by Fiona Apple (the unreleased version, as produced by John Brion) overlaid with some sound effects from somewhere I have long since repressed.

25
Jun

Under the Influence

Some people say I haven’t been doing anything, I say my work is everywhere.*

Since I started this website in November two things have surprised me about blogging.  First, how many people read my posts.  In my head scribbleboy.co.uk is a dust covered tome tucked away in some corner of the internet bookcase read by half a dozen close friends.  In reality hundreds of people paw over these pages in a forlorn search for Megan Fox’s breasts.  I don’t have them.  Nor do I have Alesha Dixon’s legs or Abbey Clancy’s ass.  I am not some kind of pervert butcher.  Those who aren’t on a quest to discover the choicest celebrity cuts, or at least pause in their search, seem to enjoy what I write.  Sometimes they even leave comments.

The second thing that surprises me is that people don’t just read my words but are influenced and inspired by them.  Maybe Gingell said it best when she said;

Scribs was the first (and only) person I knew to maintain a blog about nothing…which went some way in to convincing me I could start this one.

Yesterday marked her 50th post on Running from Zombies, congratulations.

Another blog that I helped out with, and maybe in some ways helped to inspire, is Sound Guy GuyIt’s been a while since Guy updated properly but it sounds like his computer is now fixed, so if you’ve finally caught up with his travel diary, too bad.  If however, you’ve been suffering from a dearth of Megan Fox based content, rejoice (wasn’t July’s GQ enough for you?)

Frosty, who documented our adventures through Asia last year, is back in the blogging game with Work Hard Play Hard, a blog that takes a few pointers (and plugins) from this very site.  Unlike last year’s thoroughly comprehensive travel blog this one will be a selection of edited highlights and will continue to document the adventures of Frosty long after he has returned to the UK.

Here’s an awesome time-lapse video of a Malaysian sunset that Frosty filmed.  There’s plenty more footage, photos and observations like this on his blog.

A blog where my touch is at its most obvious is TWKM.  It’s a blog about a guy trying to improve his life by completing challenges suggested by readers, or as Stanford puts it;

It’s a blatant rip off of scribbleboy, but I don’t care because it’s a good one.

Have a read of Stanford’s challenges here and suggest one of your own.  He’s already suggested one for me to complete;

I challenge you to regularly answer an ad on gumtree, craiglist or similar websites, be it serious (which can lead to expanding your skills, social circle, or jobs) or funny (asking to swap a hexopus (an octopus with six legs) for a wii remote for instance).

Post results (with anonymity kept) for all to see.

Restriction is that it shouldn’t be rude or destructive to the ad poster.

I’ll be trying to do this weekly myself, depending on how realistic it is.

I will get onto this challenge (challenge 21) soon and blog my results.

To give you a little bit of context, Stanford is one of Antonio’s friend whom I met at Annabel and John’s New Year’s Eve party (I make the briefest of references to the party here).  It was one of the most civilised parties I’ve been to in a long time with dips, fireworks and champagne at midnight.  An indication of how classy it was is that Stanford’s pictures are in black and white.  To gain a greater understanding of who Stanford is and the mind behind TWKM I recommend reading his about page.  I also recommend reading the nine blog posts he’s made in just over a week.  I don’t recommend comparing his output with mine, that will just make me look bad.

The penultimate blog I’m going to take a look at is FeatherQuest.  This site is written and maintained by Holly, who you might remember made me eat apples all through April.  Holly’s blog is about… well, I’ll let her say it;

This blog is based on the idea that I need to shape my life a little better. I need more control other than just random drifting and I had an idea that maybe my friends could set me challenges. Things I could do to improve my life or become a better person. I also aim to do reviews and general stuff to further my writing.

I have challenged her to get some of her written work published and to share the stages of her creative process with readers.  This ties in nicely with the freelancing challenge I have set myself (challenge 1e).

I’m going to wrap this up with the most literal example of me inspiring a blog post;

jon500

This is a portrait of me by Antonio of hellocatfood.com that I’ve been meaning to post for a long time.  You could read his blog but I wouldn’t recommend doing it too quickly because he updates even less regularly than I do.  Before I sign off a few quick shout outs to blogs that are not tainted by me but are still worth reading;

Life Through God’s Sunglasses – My former housemate Baines’ site.  What with her leaving and Gingell going out so much I have been forced to strike up conversations with inanimate objects.  Will be worth keeping an eye on this page for updates of Baines’ adventures in Nepal.

Wheels on Fire – Ally keeps a record of how he is ritually humiliated and beaten by his girlfriend his training, sometimes this involves Gingell.  I know I plugged it before but it’s come a long way since then and you can get a better idea of his weekly routine, plus it now has pictures.

Night,

Scribs

*If I was God this is the kind of thing I would say.






About


All aboard the special bus I'm a Stoke-on-Trent based blogger, journalist and semi-productive member of society. This blog is a record of my successes and failures as I try and complete life-improving challenges suggested to me by readers.

Most Recent Tweet


Follow me!

Most Recent Tweet

follow me on Twitter


Read my Feed


RSS Feed If you want to read all my posts without the effort of visiting this site then hit the orange button.

Recent Comments


    Lm: I too went through the week of Sky School at ANB Promotions,...

    supa: no no do not apply any one!

    Scribbleboy: Been contemplating having one of those but the...

    Sai: http://www.languageisavirus.co m/nanowrimo/word-meter.html...

    nhrn: Eh, I used to do that all the time last year, in-fact I...

advertisements