Archive for the 'Technology' Category

30
May

Twitter the Twird

Follow me on TwitterWe’re not even a sentence in and some of you are already eyeing the adorable blue bird opposite like he’s a ravenous vulture and you’re a desert-ridden animal in its death throes.  Yes, I’ve written about Twitter before.  Yes, I’ve written about Twitter again. And yes, I’m going to write about it a third time.

If that really is so objectionable to you why not join the debate about gender roles and the Bible that is taking place on Baines’ blog.  Or check out Gingell’s most recent run.  She seems to be pushing herself more recently and is truly glowing in these pictures (and I don’t mean that as a euphemism for sweating profusely, more that she genuinely seems to enjoy exercise and this shines through).  You could even catch up on Guy’s travel diary (how do I know you’re behind?  Call it a hunch).

On a side note, the adorable blue bird to the right (plus the one to the left) were drawn by the good people at webdesign.fm.  They are featured in a good selection of free Twitter icons at creativeNERDS.co.uk.

The internet may be a disturbing place to visit but Twitter is one of the nicer communities to pass through. When I last wrote about Twitter I mentioned that @david_elks had tweeted my blog and when I duly thanked him I received the response, “Ney probs. I thought your blog was amusing, you’re local so I linked to you. Isn’t that how it works? :)”

Well, yes I guess so, just I’m not used to internet communities being so nice.  @estelledarlings tweets tips such as;

  1. Smile and say hi to someone when they look like they wanna speak with you on the train/bus, crossing the street.
  2. find someone you haven’t spoken to in a while – get their address (could be 15 min away) and write them a letter.
  3. Call someone when they text you. in stead of answering (use ure free minutes!!)

@fattybellybella had her tweeple writing themselves notes, which are simultaneously really positive and really schizophrenic.

Dear Self: when I grow up, I wanna be just like you

Dear Britt, Everyone can’t see the weight that’s on your shoulders but I see it and I’m behind you holdin it right with you.

dear self, just smile. It can’t last forever. Listen to your mom. Cheaper isn’t always better. Stay away from open bars

But this world is made up of more than black women that sing (so I’m told), it’s made up of people that always seem to be there to share juicy gossip, newsy tidbits and dirty jokes.  People who want to make sure my transition to Ubuntu is as smooth as possible and that my gran doesn’t get a lousy present for her birthday.

One of my favourite followers at the moment is @nci1, not only did she tweet me the quiz below when I asked for blog suggestions but she also tweeted me my dream job.  The first sentence of the job description is “You love it, live it and would crawl across broken glass to spend all day working learning about Social Media across Asia.”  This weekend I’m going to be sending off my application and like all my other employment attempts I’ll be sharing it with you, right here on the blog.

In the mean time let’s do this quiz.

The idea is that you take the first two words of each sentence, for example “Jonathan is” (obviously use your own name here), put them in quotation marks and put them into Google.  Then paste the first result to wherever you post such stuff.  Comedy ensues.

Jonathan is no longer in solitary confinement but prison life remains harsh

I’m too pretty for prison life, I shudder to think of the shower time favours I’d be performing just to keep myself in lipstick for when people came to visit.

Jonathan looks into beauty

Jonathan has been working with transgenic plants for 20 years

Isn’t the top result but the first one that made any kind of sense.  You’d think in 20 years I’d have learnt what transgenic means, sometimes I am such a blagger.

Jonathan thinks we all went away

Jonathan needs someone to talk to

The top result is really “Jonathan needs a C compiler” but this one seemed funnier.  Since I moved in with Gingell and Baines, two people comfortable with silence and adverse to mindless chatter, I’ve come to realise how much I need conversation.  A talkative nature is the second trait I’ve discovered that almost all of my friends have, that and brutal honesty.

Jonathan wears his engineer’s cap to drive his virtual train

Jonathan says I’m leaving this morning

This sounds unlikely.  The word “morning” clearly suggests I’d be sleeping.

Jonathan asks gas association to support government

Jonathan Wants Co-Stars To Get Naked Without Whining!

I can’t stand actresses who won’t take their clothes off. It drives me nuts. I want to cut their ears off. If it says in the script you’re naked, be naked, instead of moaning and saying, ‘I really don’t want to show my tits, I don’t want to show my arse.’

Jonathan Loves Snowballs

Jonathan Likes It Hard, Good

A lot more innocent than it sounds.  This link is safe for work but then I’d be surprised if anything this boring wasn’t.  I still don’t know what would compel anyone to write it.

Jonathan eats Qarly’s head flesh

Man eats fruit in comical manner with sexual undertones.

Jonathan was delighted with the show

and on that note tweet dreams,

@scribbleboy

02
Apr

Twitter Retweeted

So that's what a naked woman looks like

When I asked Antonio what I’d use Twitter for he cryptically replied, “You’ll have to find your own purpose.”  Then I got Twitter and I found a purpose for it: a stripped back Facebook where I could stalk celebrities and be served only the juiciest news and features.  I even dared to voice this opinion in a post and, like most times I voice an opinion, it was violently shot down by all sides (mainly just Guy).

People didn’t care what Stephen Fry thought, they’d decide for themselves what the best content was, it would never replace Facebook.

Today I offer an argument that cannot be denied; free stuff.

@viceuk sent me a book that should be retailing at £28, for free. The Vice Photo Book was given away to their 4,000th follower, who just happened to be me.  Between it’s hardback covers Vice Magazine spend 336 pages documenting the s***-stained, sex-obsessed nature of humanity in all its full-frontal full-colour glory.

Have been flicking through it for the past few days but have yet to read it properly.  Something on page 60, however, caught my eye.

[Photographer Richard Kern] Then I have a series of girls doing things, like domestic things.  It’s all about there being a plausible reason for the girl to be naked.

[Vice interviewer Jesse Pearson] A reasonable expectation for nudity.
Like there’s a point to it.  Like the shot of my girlfriend scrubbing the floor.  She usually is naked when she does that for real.

Because she doesn’t want to get her clothes dirty or because you ask her to be?
Ha.  Because she doesn’t want to get her clothes dirty.  Every girl I ask cleans naked.

And there you have it, “Every girl I ask cleans naked.”  Women tell me lots of things (“Jon you wouldn’t want to have cystitis – you pee and you pee and you pee, and then, when you’re done, you wanna pee some more!”) and yet none of them have ever mentioned this whole naked cleaning thing.  Maybe it only ever happens when I’m out.

Other uses for Twitter I have discovered include;

  • Promoting the Blog – I throw up a new tweet for each new post (you can get a full listing of all the posts I’ve made since joining Twitter by searching for the hashtag #scribblog).
  • Networking – This still seems very much in its infancy.  American businessmen and sound recordists like following me (sounds so wrong out of context) but I’ve yet to see how they benefit.  The other day however journalist @david_elks tweeted my blog.  He’s compiling a comprehensive list of Stokie bloggers which includes my entire house (Gingell, Scribble and Baines), before we were even aware the list existed, weird.  Might be of use to anyone out there doing the Online Projects unit at uni.  He’s also tweeted about @SentinelNews which is useful for keeping up with local happenings and also reminds me I should probably go back there and do some more work experience.
  • Insight - Twitter is also useful for sounding out the world;

Scribbleboy: Is it wrong that I’m beginning to appreciate Mary J. Blige?
hellocatfood: @Scribbleboy ewww

@scribbleboy

*Some readers may have noticed that the last time I blogged was very early Wednesday morning (even though it’s listed as Sunday on the blog), they may then cite this blog entry and infer that as Gingell has blog posts for Monday and Wednesday she has won.  I would ask these readers to define their terms (Monday, Wednesday, Gingell, won) and then I would run away.

21
Feb

Blogging the Twitter

Twitter.com

A little bird told me...

We’re busy doing nothing, working the whole day through,
Trying to find lots of things not to do.

Johnny Burke

I love Facebook and you probably do too (more than likely you’re reading this on Facebook or you’ve followed a link from there). One of my favourite Facebook tasks is updating my status. It’s a line of text after my name that I can use to tell the world whatever I want.

Back in the day it used to be preceded by the word “is”, which could lead to some rather philosophical statements.

Man is. Man is or isn’t he? Man isn’t.

Thankfully these dark days are long gone and I can now start with whatever word I choose.  I can say what I’m doing, share my wisdom, whore out links and, now with the ability to comment on statuses, cast questions out into the ether.

Unfortunately some days “Jonathan is restless” and everyone else’s status is equally uninteresting.  The reason you’re friends with these people is because you’ve got stuff in common and when that stuff includes going to the same uni, drinking in the same bars and seeing each other on an almost daily basis suddenly their statuses can get really boring; 200 odd echoes of “I’m bored, broke, hungover and I have problems with my man.”

Enter Twitter.

You’ve probably heard of Twitter.  Twitter is a place loved by Stephen Fry where Perez Hilton and Lily Allen go to fight. Twitter makes Jonathan Ross say salad and found Lance Armstrong’s missing bike.

Closer to home though someone else has been nagging you to join Twitter.  It’s the person who told you to join MySpace, it’s the person who told you to switch to Facebook, it’s the person who’s always ahead of the technology trends that you always ignore (stop ignoring them, they’re right).

Go to Twitter.com, sign up in seconds and befriend your favourite celebrities, musicians, politicians and magazines and be privy to their thoughts as soon as they think them.

Happy tweeting,

@scribbleboy

PS.  if you see a Facebook status that reads “Damian ~操你妈~.” do not think “I can’t read Chinese so typing a random response would be quite amusing.” because then you’ll type “Yes, at least twice daily.” and half of Asia will be laughing at the fact you’ve confessed to regular incestuous activity with your mother.

PPS. I remember a time long ago when this blog was about completing challenges, one day we’ll go back there and I’ll try and use Twitter to help me complete them.






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All aboard the special bus I'm a Stoke-on-Trent based blogger, journalist and semi-productive member of society. This blog is a record of my successes and failures as I try and complete life-improving challenges suggested to me by readers.

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